Well, friends, if you were expecting a perfectly curated, flawlessly executed no-spend week, I’ve got some bad news: this week was an absolute trainwreck. As I sit here writing this, I’m fully immersed in my “shame bubble” like a sad, defeated dog with its tail tucked between its legs. Not my finest week, folks. But hey, life happens, right? And honestly, I think we all deserve a little humor when the going gets tough. So grab a comfy seat, and let me take you on the rollercoaster ride that was my week. Buckle up, y’all. It’s about to get real up in here.
When Hypomania Meets Walmart: A Total Shopping Disaster
Let’s start with the mental health detour. I’ve been living with bipolar disorder for years, and while I’ve got a solid regimen of meds and self-work keeping me mostly stable, there are those weeks when things go sideways. This week? Well, I went a little too far down the yellow brick road to hypomania. Now, if you’ve never experienced hypomania, consider yourself lucky. It’s like the caffeine high you get when you’ve had too much coffee, but then crank it up to 11 with a little dash of overconfidence, irritability, and a complete lack of impulse control.
I’d been feeling extra great that morning, like the world was my oyster and I could conquer anything. So, naturally, I figured I could pop into Walmart to grab a few things. All I needed were valentines for the kids to exchange at their upcoming school parties and a couple small gifts for their teachers. Easy, right? But within minutes of walking into that retail wonderland, the shopping euphoria hit. Bam. There I was, feeling on top of the world, strutting through Walmart like I was the Queen of Valentine’s Day. Suddenly, everything in the store was calling my name. It was like a siren song of excess. Shiny wrappers, colorful tumblers, fuzzy socks (why do I need so many?!), random toys for the kids—if it sparkled or looked vaguely intriguing, into the cart it went. In the moment, I was feeling unstoppable, not at all worried about future me who would have to sort out the consequences later. Zero self-control. Logic? Completely out the window.
By the time I made it to the checkout, I had a cart that looked like the aftermath of a very confused birthday party gone wrong. Did I need all this stuff? Absolutely not. Did I know I was in a hypomanic state? 100%. But did that stop me? Not even for a second. It was like I was on a high-speed rollercoaster and someone just handed me a shopping cart. There was no getting off the ride until it was over.
Now, here’s the thing: I knew better. Hypomania always makes me more prone to impulsive decisions. It’s like I’m on autopilot, and my logical brain decides to take a nap while my “YOLO” brain takes the wheel. So what’s the lesson here? If I’m not feeling fully stable, I should lock up my wallet and stay out of the stores. Or maybe I should hire someone to follow me around and keep me away from all the aisles that sparkle. It could be an investment in my future.
The “Oops, Forgot My Meds” Moment: Chick-fil-A and No Regrets… Until Later
As if the shopping spree wasn’t enough, I added a whole other layer to this mess with an “oops, I forgot my meds” day. Ah yes, those days when the meds are meant to keep me steady, but life decides to throw in a plot twist. Cue the dramatic music. And let me tell you, by the time I realized I hadn’t taken them, the damage was already done. Picture me: emotional wreck, irritated, anxious, and spiraling into a rabbit hole of “I’m failing at life” thoughts. It’s the perfect storm for bad decisions.
By the time I managed to pull myself out of my mental nosedive, I had already made a series of regrettable choices—starting with a trip to the Chick-fil-A drive-thru. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Isn’t this the no-spend challenge?!” Well, when your brain is in full-blown chaos mode and you’re trapped in the emotional vortex of a bad mood, logic isn’t exactly your best friend. So there I was, confidently pulling into the drive-thru, ordering my chicken sandwich with a side of fries like I was treating myself to a fancy dinner.
Let’s just say, the aftermath wasn’t nearly as satisfying as the crispy chicken sandwich in the moment. My $30 was spent in the blink of an eye, and as I wiped greasy fingers on my jeans, I realized that I had just thrown away money that could’ve gone to something actually useful—like, I don’t know, savings? But in the moment? No regrets. That sandwich tasted like pure, crispy relief.
When Life Hands You a Suspicious Mass, Grab a Club Sandwich
Let’s dive into the “fun” part of the week—the medical news I definitely didn’t expect. As if everything else wasn’t enough, I found out that there’s a suspicious mass that has made itself at home in one of my ta-tas, and it needs to be biopsied. Yikes, right? When I first heard the news, my mind immediately did that thing where it spins up every worst-case scenario you can imagine. I’m talking full-on panic mode. I went from “What if I need surgery?” to “What if it’s Stage 4 cancer and I die and leave my kids without their mom?” in no time flat. It was like I hit play on my own personal disaster movie.
I’m sure you’ve been there—the moment when the what-ifs start to spiral and your brain jumps straight to the worst possible conclusion. It’s not logical, but it’s real. I couldn’t shake the thought that something bad was happening to me. So, naturally, I called up my “breast friends” (yes, I just went there) to vent and fully indulge in my worst-case scenario fantasies. I’m lucky to have people who let me do that. Sometimes you just need to talk through the chaos and hear someone tell you, “It’s going to be okay.”
After hours of spiraling, I realized I needed to step away from the hamster wheel. I needed to clear my head for a minute before I completely lost it. What better way to take my mind off things than a nice lunch out with some friends? But wait, wasn’t I supposed to be following a no-spend challenge? Yes, yes I was. But in that moment, the only thing that seemed to matter was sitting down for a meal with friends and not thinking about my new lady lump. And so, I caved. I ordered a club sandwich and fries (because, why not?) and tried my best to keep it together.
Sometimes you have to accept that emotional survival trumps all. After all, a sandwich doesn’t solve all problems, but it sure does make them a little more bearable (especially when eaten in the company of friends). Was it the most financially sound choice? Not at all. Was it worth it emotionally? Absolutely. Sometimes, you need to honor where you’re at, and in that moment, I just needed to be.
Wrapping Up Week One: Self-Compassion & A Step Toward Progress
So here I am, wrapping up week one of February, feeling a little wiser and a lot more grounded. The mental health rollercoaster is mostly back on track, and I’m trying to approach my physical health with the same grace and understanding. I’m not going to beat myself up for slipping up this week. We all have our moments, and that’s okay. Perfection doesn’t exist, and I’m not about to let myself get bogged down by one less-than-ideal week.
In fact, this whole journey is about progress, not perfection. It’s about trying my best to balance my needs—both mental and financial—and treating myself with the same kindness I give others. So while I’m walking into week two with my tail between my legs (metaphorically speaking), I’m also walking in with more self-compassion. I’ll continue to strive for better financial decisions, but I’ll also remember to honor my mental health and give myself some grace when I need it.
Next week? I’m determined to stick to my no-spend challenge. And maybe—just maybe—I’ll skip the Chick-fil-A. But maybe not. We’ll see how the week goes. One step at a time, y’all.